Recently people have been throwing about the phrase “Life’s to short to do shitty X” for a few sports. You know what, it’s starting to annoy me, and is actually coming off as really elitist. Elitism: the cancer that is killing your favourite pastime. (Boasting is the nasty flu that’s kinda going around).
Life’s too short to climb shit routes
This is usually under a ‘gram post of some gun straining on a fashionable grade 26 Grampians mega sport route. Of course, if you can’t climb grade 26 outdoors, obviously you’re condemned to a short, sad lifetime of shitty, unsatisfying climbing. Fuck me, I thought climbing the novelty butterfly-shaped-holds kid’s route in the local gym, with a hand behind your back and your mates laughing, was buckets of fun. Apparently it’s just shit though.
Life’s too short to ride shit bikes
Usually uttered by an unapologetic MAMIL, who’s just finished justifying/hiding his latest $7,500 bicycle purchase from his wife. Full carbon frame, Shimano Ultegra and XT *minimum*, chaps, anyone who doesn’t notice they’re riding a shit bike isn’t a cyclist, just a poor person who rides bikes (for transport in Sydney!? Who does that, it’s too dangerous!?) and who should get a better job.
Fuck that noise, buy second hand, ride flats, ride what ya brung, and turn up to dig your local trails.
Life’s too short to ski shit snow
I know you’re just so psyched on that last trip to Japan mate, but an overseas ski holiday is a *ludicrous* privilege. In fact, downhill skiing at a resort is a ludicrous overprices privilege. More beginners should try nordic XC or snowshoeing, it’s all about getting out among the snow gums anyway.
Ducking ropes to race scandies & seppos through Hakuba cement is overrated anyway. Go ski the backcountry, learn to carve corduroy, go ski spring snow.
Life’s to short to visit shit canyons
It is indeed. Cough cough, Serendipity/”Why Don’t We Visit Water Dragon Instead” Canyon.